It pays to say, just how very hard it is to open our scared hands to His plan. I know He is faithful – but it is still hard.

It is still sight unseen and all you can count on is Him to provide. I know you may think that that should be simple – but it is the very hardest thing.

But lets still try ~ lets still do it ~ tears and fears and all ~ something in me knows it has to be the answer.

Not all that I can see, I so want to just go get busy – to go to whole foods and shop the clean isles that I can see – but I stay here and let Him have my heart again – my scared tired of believing heart. I stay home and do this again partly because its terrible cold and snowy outside today. Funny how He takes care of us, of our souls like that. Knowing the doing can wait just a bit.

I know that the doing and producing with my human strength doesn’t really produce what He can – but its easier or something – hard to get the body to sit and feel and not know what He knows ~

Seeking with you again today ~ but not striving because Grace says we don’t have to do that anymore!

Aiming for Glory and I somehow know you can’t miss Glory.

Why is it so hard to believe that its OK, this doing life is going to be hard – and that’s just OK and totally normal.

It’s OK to have hard storms and windy battles that blow through your life… while you are busy doing good… not even out carousing like welcoming trouble. No, your doing the good that you have in front of you and the troubles come and you aren’t crazy, you are not a mistake.

You are just the way you are meant to be.

And you’re saying thank you for the struggle because you have been learning about your Savior and you get that you should realize you can’t and aren’t supposed to see the end from the beginning – the Alpha and Omega isn’t your name. It’s His.

You want to get discouraged but then you read that discourage is just a bad form of self love – because you really never have a reason to be discouraged when your getting fed by Jesus. He never disappoints. He never discourages. I’m learning to go back there with Him over and over – to pull the prayers out of the soul that wants so badly to close up and say it isn’t fair – the troubles – but He wouldn’t be the one to tell about what is fair and pain suffering (that Cross thing He did for us) and all… but He sure is the One who holds and keeps hearing us.

Prince of Peace

King of Kings

So while some are out doing who knows what, I sit in my home wearing sweats and teaching kids. Teaching myself. The Alpha and Omega. The I Am. The Healer. Jesus.

I keep needing to remind myself that I will ALWAYS need.

And that’s just fine by me ~

May joy come in the morning, may the sparrows sing of it all day. May peace be fitful and joy delightful, till I find myself with God ~

May I always love You, always love You ~ lyrics to a song I used to play over and over.

Sharing them with you today~ so you can feel the beauty too.



I think we as parents all hope our kids will gather, sooner than later, that there is a deeper meaning to all of this Christmas shenanigans. I like fun and I don’t plan on ending fun anytime soon – but doesn’t a soul need to long for more than fun? I am sure it does.

Did I get what I wanted for Christmas? Is Santa real? I’m I happy?

Seriously? So, thank you Jesus that I may be in my 30’s but I do long to know and feel it deeper. To feel You deeper. And I have this inkling that our kids do too, they just don’t know it yet. And I bet we can help them – by quieting some of the chaos a little.

We should not forge happiness and bliss for our families. It is insane and costly and time consuming and I feel like a liar doing it in some way. Because I know I need more, I know they will need more to hang on to one day.

There is this Jesus who came. He has been coming since time begin. His story is real and not all bliss and not all happy and His story is for you child, because you must understand that to get to value, greatness to get to be who you are meant to be – to wash this retch of a world off of you – you must learn to live your whole story. In Faith that the One who came to save you, has lived it all too. No one is picking on you when you are lonely. When you don’t seem to have what you need. It is love wrapped in a package you must learn to unwrap, carefully. You will find that you did have what you needed and that you weren’t nearly as lonely as you thought ~ Because of Him.

True soul satisfaction can be attained – in the quiet places of Christ.What a gift to give ourselves and our children- learning to reverence Him in all His glory now ~

I was able to do something wonderful today, that I hadn’t been able to do in a very, very long time – if ever really. I was able to react like the child of the King that I am in a pressure situation, I chose faith and sanity over spiraling down hill into my emotions. Then when the time was right I was able to vent my feelings and be real about how that moment was making me really feel. Yes, I could see Gods sweet hand in it all – all the junk of the situation – but I also had real human feelings that needed to be validated. It wasn’t less good of me or less anything to be real. It was amazing. I feel amazing. The situation is what it is – but I am not letting it reel me in and ruin me from the inside out. I Am FREE.

All glory and praise to You my King and Deliverer. I know you see me. I know you love me and my family of 4. I know you have plans for us. I know our tomorrows will look brighter. Blessed be Your name ~

I have this drawer of leggings I forgot about until today. I opened it and it was like, “Yes!” Where have you been old friends?! My favorite go-to black leggings that make me feel so great when I put them on. and even more fun, I know I only paid $6.00 for them. Yep 🙂

They have just been sitting there waiting for me to find them and feel amazing again.

This makes me think of what it’s like to be a Jesus follower and forget some of His simple gifts to us to help us on the hard days. Or just when we get too busy to see Him.

Today, I found the gift of praise in song to Him.

It is wonderful. Remember?

When I’m with a group and I start to sing all big and then start to think well goodness I wonder what I sound like? Gee wiz I hope I brushed my teeth this morning.

This in the house praise is much more freeing to me 🙂 I put on my head phones and let it fly…! You could liken it to in the car praise too. It doesn’t matter one Iota what you sound like!!

Old favorite leggings, music, grace, these are the things I am thankful for today.


After a day of heart wrestling, when the Light finally breaks through – it feels good to feel the good around me again.

The smell of pizzas baking in the oven….that might be near burning since I rarely remember to set a timer

Needing to wear a coat outside because its a week before Christmas…

Sitting by my husband  at church … him wearing his long over coat

Resting and reading being all that I need to accomplish today…

Feeling God confident, deep in my soul verses struggling to be someone else.

“And this is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.” I John 3:16

And that he keeps laying it down for us over and over again every time we come to Him needing.

Messiah ~ promised and expected deliverer, in our day to day messes



When my thoughts keep getting stuck on finding solutions to problems… ways to mend old broken down bridges,  I lose my peace and a piece of my True Identity. I suffer and this isn’t good Christian suffering. It’s self- centered suffering. 

I can get caught up on being a fixer (just to watch my efforts be all in vain) because it feels productive… But so is God Worship, productive. Storing my time and energy in an eternal Holy Place. building my forever home…while also giving me a solid place to be down here. 

Jesus came to save people from their emotional pain, their unforgiving hearts, their bitterness. Not me. I am not their Savior. People walk into their own pain and they have to walk out of their pain.

We can get our souls lost in doubt and not even realize that’s what we are doing. Trying to rehash old messes.

Stop feeding that monster. Stop trying to be sweet and do the sweetest thing possible in any situation you don’t have the answers for – Sit at His Feet.

Break it down – what do you think you are going to accomplish with your planning, scheming, thinking up explanations… these places are idols for a saved soul to get so very burned out and mind sick when really, really all we need to be doing is

Adoring Him. 

Our giving time to God doesn’t only build our heavenly crown, it puts heaven into us while we are on earth – and your earth, my earth – needs more of heaven now. It comes through us.



When we decide to slow down in our daily doing, things can still be accomplished.

It’s like, since we don’t have a boss to tell us what to do, we think we have to do it all… or we let ourselves get lazy and do too little.

Let’s find a balance.

The best place to start is by Coming. Just sit on your knees and bow and tell Jesus you want His help with your daily stuff. And the bigger pressings that you have too. He can handle us.

He wants so badly to help.

Every minute of every day is in His hands ~ so talk to Him about your moments instead of vainly attempting to plan your families lives away.

This way of living – alive and active in the moments, is an art form I plan to keep learning about. Becoming better about being present.

Because I forget how to breathe so easily! And I forget to pray. I mean to, but there is a vivid difference for me in the inner – peace department when I am really turning my thoughts into prayers verses thinking about praying.

And oh how He wants to hear our sweet prayers! I can’t write that enough…what a gift we are to our Heavenly Father. Why do we toil in vain?!


Abiding in God is something I think we allows think we are doing. I think we intend to do it, have the best intentions – but I’m grateful when He comes and reminds me that maybe I am not doing that as well as I could be.

No matter how little or how much you have on this earth materially,  having a human body brings us all together in needing to depend on Him to help us when it gets sick or tired – I can get my mind to ride an airplane peacefully now, but I can really only call on Jesus to comfort me when I’m getting motion sick and meds aren’t fully relieving.  And it makes me sort of Ok with it all – because I need Him.

Quanna – Jealous ~ A name for God I don’t think about often. You?

Jealous, and thank goodness you are Father.