“And they remembered that God was their Rock, and the Most High God their Redeemer.” Psalms 78:35

I pick on myself. And the people that I love the most… I only see what’s like… um… right in front of me. I forget the past. I forget that it took my faith to get me where I am now. And theirs too.

I stop.

Sit in the quiet. I remember that the quiet won’t eat me.

I’m tired and mad. And I hate being mad. The week was long and I’m just… well I don’t even know what I am. But I need someone to help me figure it out.

I stay just mad enough to be human, but I don’t let it control me. Instead, I do something civil about it.

I get home and remember it – Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t proud. Love doesn’t… demand it’s own way. Ugh. That one. Somehow these different things course through me. Subconsciously… This is because I have chosen to let Him rule me. I need to be ruled over and I know it. 

That day…

I wore the white dress, him the tux. They hugged us and prayed over us. Gave us well wishes and a beautiful ceremony. It was wonderful. Sans, the fact that I am not into crowds of people staring at me unless of course I’m doing a dance of some sorts. Like juggling or riding a pony?? But just standing there, in love, well that’s really exposing to me… could they see my heart? Because it felt like it to me. I think, well I know – that I was singing along with the words to the song I had chosen. I meant those words and I still do.

But what those loving people told us that day, through their presence at our wedding –  what they told us that day and so many days after… some with just their prayers, some with phone calls, house calls, heart calls, was what I’ve held onto. The ceremony – the vows – the formality of it all I’m thankful for. All of life must be built on a firm foundation if we want it to stand through the tests of time.

“And they remembered that God was their Rock, and the Most High God their Redeemer.” Psalms 78:35

 

 

 

Love and Guilt

Do you know how lazy I can be? Really, it can be bad. I am sitting down right now at the table typing and I need a book that’s on the counter… and I don’t want to move 4 steps to get it.

It’s even my Bible. I should want that. I should.

I loathe that I used should just now. I loathe that I ever use should and Jesus in the same sentence. 

But when I remember that I do love Him, I do honor Him – then I can breathe again, rest in that amazing love that He offers me, unconditionally thank goodness because I get tired! And He gets that.

I had just read my Bible this morning. It was the first thing – nearly – that I did when I got up. While I was fixing a warm drink and toast for myself. I put it on the counter and read.

People use should when they are scared of their kid not looking when they run in the road – “You should look before you run out in the road.” Not when they are talking about Jesus.  You and I, we are loved. Loved by Him and if we, if I, sit at His feet then I get His love, guidance, protection… there is no guilt associated with this.

Here is googles definition of Should…
used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.”
“he should have been careful”
Now really, does this sound like love? I don’t think so.

 

Love and trust

I really, really don’t understand how it works. Believe me I try, to understand – fiqure it out. Make it make sense. Because sense makes me feel… safe. Or at least it always has in the past. 

But you wanna know something? The really good stuff doesn’t make sense. It takes trust.

It just feels right and fits right that’s where we have to take it and go with it and…stop…solving. 

Do you remember how you looked for that right person to be with? You know, you tried to choose one that made sense to you. That liked the right things and looked a certain way and did the “right” stuff. Well, then the real right person comes and along and your just a goner and your heart jumps right out of you. 

And it was the best thing. It wasn’t set up or designed by you. 

And you trusted.

 

Surfaces

We can only see on the surface. We can only see a little bit of the story. But if we are smart, and we can all decide to be this way – we will know that there is much, much, more going on than what we can see on that surface.

Have you had time to notice what real love is? I used to think I knew. It’s really true though, what the Bible has told me for so long. Love is patient, Love is kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4)

This is the blueprint but building on it takes a lot of practice and that’s good because we happen to have plenty of places to practice this.

Our impatience is trapping us – limiting us. If we will ever see this, we’ll learn. We think we are the ones raising the kids, and we are – but God is also raising us. We think we are the ones building the friendships, the marriages, but really He is building us through them – in them.

God created us to have relationships. He invented it. And He goes way past any surface we will ever know ~

You’re welcome… for that reminder.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

The River Of Life

I ate 2 slices of Pumpkin pie for dinner last night, on the couch while college basketball  played on the TV in our living room. That pie tasted so good. And even better than at Thanksgiving because I wasn’t so full from everything else and feeling guilty. Blah.

Can I just tell you that I noticed something about the game on the TV. I noticed a player had gotten fouled and it wasn’t called. I think that’s how you say that. I’m proud of this. 🙂

I also drank half a pot of doctored up coffee and ate the last piece of the pie for breakfast this morning.

I have been trying to watch and engage in these sporting events that I get to go to. They are fun. But they have a lot of people I don’t know playing in them. It’s what I thought I should do- pay attention. It seems that’s what everyone else was doing.

I even used to… like years ago… try to get excited like I remembered my Mom doing all the time (she LOVES to watch sports a lot).

You know what I like though?

To watch the crowd! I can make up all sorts of stories in my head. Or I can relate what I’m seeing to something I have just read. Seeing life playing out before me. And I enjoy that.

You know every person in that room has a story. And I like that. They may be playing a sport but that isn’t really their story.

Something they do, but it isn’t who they are.

 There is a rhythm… like the under current of a stream that flows around all of us.

The ups and downs of our lives that make up who we are – that stream – that life – never ever stops flowing under us.

 

 

 

 

 

Well, isn’t this good to know?! You’re growing and learning but that definitely doesn’t dim your light!! It may take you 5 years or 10. It may take you longer than you like but do it anyway. Don’t even compare yourself. Don’t even.

There are no carbon copy people.

Just one amazing, wonderful you.

 

 

 

Keep Seeking and surrender. For Real

I googled the definition of surrender.

The word Surrender. It popped into my less than sleepy head last night. “Remember surrender, remember that rest. Remember that weight lifted right off your chest.” Sara Groves

It makes me mad that fear and thinking I know better than God is what makes me sit and not surrender stuff.

I can remember ways He has out done my ideas in the past. I can trust He will do it again. That is a choice.

Isaiah 44:3 “I will pour out water on your parched fields.” And HE will.

“We are all saved by the same way, by undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.” Acts 15:11

He hasn’t forgotten you. I promise. 

Sometimes, and I’m pretty sure this is right, He has us wait because He wants to make sure we value Him the most, that’s important.

“We are all saved by the same way, by undeserved grace of the Lord Jesus.” Acts 15:11

 

 

 

Sometimes you realize you were just holding a lot inside because you didn’t want to show anything. If you show how you feel and who you are… then Geez Louise you have to hold out to see if you can stand under that reality….

and if other people will do their part and love you for who you are…. It’s scary.

It’s good if that person tells you the truth while holding your hand and or rubbing your back. Just a suggestion.

Because Tom Cruise was right in A Few Good Men when he says you can’t handle the truth.

But the Bible is also true when it tells us that the Truth will set you free.

So you gotta take it.

And grow with it.

And hold that hand and take those hugs like you take baths when your dirty.

Drag your bags to the check out line

I’m telling you.

Having a body is something to manage now, isn’t it.

You go along with your pizza and cake and your hubby buys the Oreo’s and you eat them and then you have to do the inevitable work out class and sweat even though its very very cold out yonder way. Sweat makes you cold friends. But hopefully keeps your jeans fitting somewhat better…?! Gee wiz I want for heaven.

I’m telling you.

You think you have the worry goose tied down to the railroad track and then you notice you’ve untied it and let it chase you into oblivion again.

We just need one thing down here to stake our claim to.

Just One.

Jesus. 

We can drag all of our stuff to Him. Every. Single. Day.

The Wal-Mart list, the kids disobeying, the nagging of our mistakes, what to have for dinner, the fact that we cant stop grabbing for the cookies. Like they are going to save us. Schedules that get busy and make us nutty. I can’t even. But I will, I will bring it to His feet.

God has a name for everything we need. Elohim ~ Creator. He is the Creator of all.

EL Shaddi ~ the all – sufficient one.

El Roi ~ the God who sees everything and cares about it too.

To be Blessed is to have supreme Blessedness (according to the dictionary when I googled it)    Blessed with bliss.

Have you ever read in Matthew Chapter 5? It tells us that we can have this supreme pizza blessedness in the times when, I’m serious, it just should’t be. But God doesn’t make any care for what we think should be – He just goes and it gives all up for us anyway.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad,because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

This. This I can hold on to and count on. I think I will.

How ya gonna spend it

 

Last night, I had too much coffee at the basketball tournament my family and I were at. I WAS just sipping it to kill off what was left over from my cold congestion and the 30 degree temps outside. But then, then I started to unintentionally take large guzzles of it. I’ll tell you why too. See, I don’t usually know the people in the stands at the games we go to because my husband is helping run the events. We don’t go to support one certain player. But I like people (nice ones) and so I sometimes flip around and say something to someone to make a connection. WELL so i did that and i don’t know why because I work on shutting down my weirdness all the time but my self awareness weirdness just shot up my back and down my arms after I talked to this woman and so since I had my good tasting -sippable coffee that had cooled just enough in my hand – I drank it like my life depended on it while talking to this gal. Nice, nice gal that I don’t know. She reminded me how many quarters were in high school basketball, because I kid you not, for the life of me I can’t remember this. College, high school – I raise elementary kids and home school people. Help me out.

Well then I had to go to the bathroom of  course after the coffee guzzling and that wasn’t the end of the effects on me yet. Did I mention to you that it was 7:30 pm at least when I guzzled and I hadn’t drank coffee like that in awhile. And I was still processing all that I had taken in at this lovely event I was pleasured to attend. The parents running the show (or something), the teenagers shaking body parts to music that they have NO business listening to. Gee wiz. The hot dog AND nachos I enjoyed. Do you know that because of it all, I lay awake in our bed for EVER and EVER I mean till 1:00 am when I finally had the sense to take a sleep aid. Think I needed one?!

So, I had time to think too much – or maybe a mom needs these quiet moments to think in the night because I kid you not no matter how early you wake up your sweet pups will here you. And I love it. BUT I lay awake and I think a lot and life is full of places for my kids to get caught up in the here and now and to forget about the temporariness of living on earth (and shaking body parts???!) so when I got up this morning (did I mention I turned on the lamp and grabbed a book with Bible verses in it and prayed my heart out over my peeps in those fast heart beating moments- well I did)  Back to this morning – well I made food because people eat that, including me and then my kids came down.

Over store bought cinnamon rolls and water – because the milk was frozen in a bowl of warm water on the counter – I talked to my boys….. about being mean to get our way and instead saying things to each other kindly and then praying God will help us with whats tearing us up inside about the other person. Everybody has to do this. Your not special in that way.

To stop fighting over who gets the 5 dollar bill and whose turn it is to… because that is what the Enemy wants and that is NOT who we are about. 

I can’t save myself and I can’t save my children, but we can turn our hearts to God and He can save us from ourselves and everybody else down here with us.

We’re mean and selfish people at our core – without Him inside of us to make us pure and white as snow – one day at a time. It builds in there.

We live in a warm house and always have enough food to eat. We even happen to currently have our health working well. But we do NOT have the ability on our own to give more of our selves or money or time without Someone stronger holding us. It’s a heart purge at its best. One I’m still working on myself ~

O Lord no one but you can help the powerless against the mighty! Help us, O Lord our God for we trust in you alone.” 2 Chronicles 15:11