I hope I’m not alone in wondering if God will keep coming through for me. But guess what, He does! He does, He does… And amen to this.

I had to deal with grief this past week and it was scary and hard to think of how this was going to play itself out through me. First, I tried to just deal with it all in my heart and in my Bible with Jesus. (Which is a good place to start!) Talking to Him about how change without my permission was hard and uncomfortable.

But then, I took into mind that I am not the only person left behind and there would be a responsibility and challenge to grieve with others who were hurting and feeling  interrupted in their living. Some who would be gentle and caring and others who would be guarded or even mean. I had to decide how I would respond and react to this.

So, there was the challenge for this particularly scared – on – her – own Jesus girl.

Anxiety is an old and uninvited enemy of mine. I had questions like, would I break under the pain of it all, in the pressure of the moment? How much could my heart take and still be kind and civil? When we are weak it’s really OK. The truth is, compared to God, we are always weak and clueless – even if we are considered strong to other people. Stop believing that He only wants us capable when He really just wants us willing to be like Him.

I had to fight the lie that I could not deal with this pain – the lie that I would surely break. I had to pray the prayers that I was afraid of praying, like Jesus help me through this. Jesus show me the way to walk. Help the others who are hurting and hurting me too.

I prayed, and HE DID through me what I could not have done on my own. HE GAVE me strength so I could go through the necessary motions. HE GAVE my husband to sit by me. HE GAVE kindness and care for others. HE GAVE an appetite so I could eat and feel nourished. HE GAVE my kids a good friend to watch them. HE GAVE sweet aunts and cousins to go through it all with. HE GAVE. I asked and He gave.

Like He does for His kids, always.

The Lord God is my strength. He has made my feet steady like hinds feet and makes me walk forward in spiritual confidence on my high places of challenge and responsibility. Habakkuk 3:19

 

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