Isn’t it true that God is always so very faithful in our lives – He is always moving stones for us. It takes awhile for me to realize that my stones are stones of course. I get so used to carry them with me – but I love it when He shows me and then gives me the prayers to break the chains that have me bound up.

Oh I may not look bound up on the outside but my insides are screaming HELP! and help us He always, always does. Even if it takes a week of messing with the stone around our neck, Lord why won’t you take this off! It’s so heavy!

I whine it out to Him. Then I nearly want to whine it out to my husband THIS PROBLEM IS SO INSURMOUNTABLE… when I realize that is a bad idea – he is my companion not my healer. So I find some Truth on my phone, put in my heart while we wait for our name to be called at the restaurant… they call our name, he gets up to go – I stay for a minute because I know where the real hunger in me is.  I can’t be pulling on, expecting my people to fix my sideways heart – it’s me and Jesus that can do the fixing the refocusing. I try to hear my husband when he tells me I’m looking good tonight. I try to believe him while I’m trying to believe Him.

Calming myself down because I really know what I need. I remember seeing the words, “He still moves stones” somewhere. It comes to my mind. My parents aren’t perfect but they were often seeking Him as I grew and they still do now and I see how messy growing is. On all of us. IF we are honest. No matter what our ages.

God does stop the crazy from rolling around in my mind and heart when I let Him have it –I purposefully let it go. Name it and call it trash so it has to go. He gives me the power through prayer. (it just took me all week to notice it)

Then I call my mom, and I don’t tell her about the mind struggle all week – although I think I want to – I talk about life and we laugh at how funny living can be with people like ourselves 🙂  The laughing is deep and hearty and I stop the spin of worry and SOMEONE MUST HEAR HOW HARD MY LIFE IS cry. because I have wrestled it out with Jesus. you can see the mess of books and bibles on my bedroom floor, drug with me all week back and forth from my home to my grandma’s where we are helping her not feel alone. You can see my seeking on my e-mails where I ask for and receive real prayer help from sisters in Christ.  Everyone’s life is hard. Everyone should laugh and breathe and take themselves a lot less seriously.   🙂

I love growing up in Jesus ~

 

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