Sometimes it’s just best to start with what you know.
I know I am supposed to trust God with my unknowns, with my feelings that are ever changing, with the people in my life who’s minds I can’t and never will be able to read. I know I am supposed to trust. So I try to do this – but my mind, my memory, my what ifs and how on earths push hard at my attempts to trusting again today. About yesterday what I remember, about today and tomorrow what I don’t know yet. And I sit frozen and know that life is trying to happen around me and I beg it to stop and hunger for it to go all in the same second.
I will myself to pray – pray for my heart to be soft enough, open enough for a minute to receive the prayer written out sitting next to me. I know from experience this is where I’ll get the oxygen for another day. Our son rides his bike in a circle around his reading, coloring Mama. I try to smile because I want this day -this moment.
And that’s when I decide, if I can sit here in our garage and trust the bolts that hold up the garage door and all its mechanisms in place not to fall on my head or his with very little thought, then I can trust God to hold our life in place.
I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all make sense right now. I wish I could make everyone smile and feel amazing about themselves…every moment of every day. But that isn’t reality. And it would be moving my focus to people worship instead of God worship. And that gets everything all messed up.
But I DO hope you have just enough time, oxygen, thought in your day to grab onto hope. I pray you can Trust Him today where you think it might not come well out without Him.
Much love, Erin